Now with more ham in every serving
Jun 1st, 2006 by Irina
Today my head is full of soup. Pea soup. I have to focus my attention like some kind of deranged superhero in order to properly write words out on checks so that the bills can be paid in the office. Conversations are an entirely other thing. My boss took me to lunch today, which was very nice, but after 20 minutes or so I found it hard to engage and found myself saying I can imagine a lot more than I normally do, which is never.
I can only assume that in some shape or form this is attributable to the Lithium. I read this week that Lithium can cause enlargement of the thyroid, which in turn affects energy levels. I’m not a hypochondriac and I’m not sitting here convinced that I’ll have a goiter by next week, but I do think that this funk, and the lethargy that’s come on with it, is something to be concerned about. My plan is to get my blood levels checked, and schedule an appointment to talk to my doctor sooner than our current visit which is scheduled at the end of the month.
What I really worry about is that there is little to be done after this step. She told me when I went in to see her in April that there were only three options for me: Depakote, Lithium and some other drug that causes rapid weight gain. I’m already on the Depakote, we’re unsuccessfully trying the Lithium and that last guy isn’t even on the table because of my anorexia/bulemia history. The other meds out there like Lamictal aren’t an option because they contain antidepressants and that tends to make me bat-shit crazy. So where does that leave me, exactly? I haven’t discussed this possibility with my shrink yet, but I’m wondering whether I can up my Depakote dose by 125mg. We’ve tried 1000mg and that was too high, then we tried 750mg and that was too low. Doesn’t it stand to reason a proper dose for me might fall right in the middle?
More fascinating information as this story develops.
Solvay 4492 is PEOPLE, DAMN IT!
Seriously, though, you’re absolutely right, and this is a matter of concern. I like the fact that you’re attending to it before it becomes a matter of great (or even grave) concern, because that means you’re not feeling backed against a wall. The psychiatrist I saw after my panic attacks two years ago told me that sometimes psychiatric drugs is more like bocce than basketball - in other words, sometimes you’re shooting to be close rather than dead on.
On a side note, with Sophie’s picture currently in the top left corner of your photo album, it appears as though she is regarding my words warily.
Smart kid.
John is frequently reminding me that it’s all a total crapshoot where these meds are concerned. The brain is such a complex study that no one really understands why it is that the drugs have the effect that that do in the first place, much less understand their varying degrees of efficacy by dosage. Also, most doses are based on weight, which can fluctuate for me monthly…right now I am 5 lbs heavier than I was a week ago just because I’m menstrual…and that may or may not effect the way the meds work. I don’t know.
As for taking care of the problem early on, I don’t feel like I have a choice. For one thing, I just can’t live like this (which you already know) and for another, John and Sophie need a better version of me than I’m offering lately.
Weight effects the efficacy of the drugs, and I bet the regular hormonal fluctuations of women (and possibly men too) also effect how well they feel like they are working. Although if you are on some form of birth control that might not be as big of a fluctuation. While I don’t think that you should have to live like this at all, I do think that you should recognize that you have made amazing progress in terms of figuring out what works and doesn’t work for you. I mean, consider how much of a crapshoot it really is, and you say you started in April? That is only 2 months (assuming you started at the beginning of April), so what I would take from that is hope that you will be closer (if not dead on) very soon…ish.
Good luck when you do talk to the doctor. I am crossing my fingers that adjusting the dosage of your Depakote helps get you there.
I started the Lithium at the end of April, so it’s just over a month now. I was really freaked out about taking it in the first place, because for some reason it didn’t “feel” right as a treatment. Well, live and learn I guess. Not a big deal. It is all a learning process and this round will make it much easier to figure out the best course when I have to get back on meds eventually after having a baby. I hope.
But then because of hormonal changes and stuff, there’s not predicting.